Unicorn Dreams

She came to the barn everyday... a nice lady in her mid-fifties who, in retirement, was able to finally purchase the horse she had always dreamed of as a child.

We'd chit-chat as she groomed her cute mixed breed gelding to impeccable cleanliness, braided his long, golden mane into neat french braids, and spit-polished his hooves.
Much time was spent on this daily ritual, and he was certainly the cleanest horse for miles around.

She'd bring her saddle from the tackroom and clean it thoroughly too... then put it away.

Leading her horse out to the arena, she'd turn him loose, then perch herself on the mounting block, and just sit there gazing at him, often for an hour or more... it took me awhile to realize that she was indeed, Unicorn Dreaming.

Leaving her middle-aged fears behind in the realm of the real-world, she slipped into her fantasy zone and was young and carefree again.
She galloped bareback and bridleless down the beach with his mane blowing back to tickle her face and the golden horn on his forehead glinting in the bright sunshine. 
She leapt him over rainbows, and "lived" every horse movie she'd ever seen as it's heroine.  
When they became tired, he graciously laid down beside her to become her pillow as they rested, while she brushed away any wayward fairies that might be annoying him.

Every imaginary "ride" was fabulous... and she thanked him in real-life afterwards for the pleasure with (you guessed it) more grooming.

Although I battled within myself over what I percieved to be the waste of a well-trained and sound young horse who was never ridden; I finally was able to convince myself that both horse and rider were getting what they needed and wanted from the relationship.. it seemed to be working for them... so who was I to judge?
I have a "keeper" horse myself that I don't ride.

One day after everyone at the barn had attended an event (she had been invited to join us, but declined), I returned early to find her sitting at the picnic table sobbing uncontrollably.

"I wish I could ride my horse" she cried... "I want to go places and do things like you guys do with your horses.  But I just can't".

Alas, although she longed to ride, she was mired in her unicorn dreams, and unable to face the reality that if she actually rode her horse, things might not always go so smoothly as they did while riding her Magic Unicorn.
Her unicorn never spooked or stepped on her toes, he performed flawlessly sans saddles and bridles, and carried her effortlessly through fantasyland at a full gallop... while on her real-life horse, she had never gotten beyond walking slowly before the terror set-in, and she'd slide off, shaky and weak in the knees.

No amount of encouragement or riding instruction helped... she was trapped in her dreams of the "perfect ride"... and nit picked every little thing that wasn't absolutely perfect.
There's no way any real-life horse can match the ride a unicorn bestows... as delighted as she was with her unicorn dream, she was disappointed with every ride she took on her real horse.

Over the months that she boarded her horse with me, I watched her sadness deepen each time our riding group left the barn for our horseback adventures, while she stayed behind using flimsy excuses to mask her fear.

As she became more depressed, her grooming ritual became progressively more intense... until she was nothing short of a pest to her (very tolerant) gelding who previously had enjoyed his grooming sessions and interaction with her.

His demeanor slowly changed from happy and well-adjusted, to a sullen indifference as she nit-picked over every hair on his body, and redid his braids until they were show ring perfect.  He began to fidget as the hours droned on, tied without hay as she endlessly fussed over him.

Being a good-natured and gentle horse, he never did anything that might harm her, but did become somewhat passive-aggressive in a futile attempt to let her know in the only way he could that she was annoying him with her excessive attention and pampering.

Alas, she was never able to "hear" him as he begged her for relief from her labors of love, and he retreated further into his shell.
  
She never even noticed that he didn't want to be her Magic Unicorn... 
He wanted to eat hay under the shade trees with the herd.
He wanted to roll in the dirt.
He wanted to be a HORSE... yet she would not allow it... she forced him to be her magic unicorn, mistakingly thinking that he adored her attentions even when they surpassed all limits of what could possibly be considered as reasonable. 

Finally, both horse and owner were deeply depressed and borderline neurotic... and she announced that she had decided to give up on horses, and move him from my active stable to a retirement farm where none of the elderly horses were ridden.  Her gelding was officially retired at 9 years old.

Her unrealistic Unicorn Dreams of perfect rides on a perfect horse had dashed all hope of addressing her fears and improving her riding skills... never allowing her to know the joy of riding her real-life horse for one simple reason... the *dream* was unattainable.

She expected the impossible from her well-trained horse, and he could never live up to her dream.

Beyond that, her obsessive grooming behavior had slowly over time caused her previously well-adjusted horse to resent her... he was drowning in the "love" she poured over him like syrup.

It was sad to watch as their relationship ever-so-slowly spiraled down until it was simply a farce.

And that my friends is just one way that a "loving owner" harms her horse... by causing him (unintentional) mental suffering until he simply "shuts down"... usually without the owner ever even knowing it!
She never saw it or realized that anything was wrong with the relationship, preferring to hire a plethora of Vets, Chiros, Farriers, etc. in an effort to discover the source of his sour attitude.

The root cause of his annoyance towards her was, of course, the intensive pampering; but she never accepted that, as to her less-than-realistic manner of thinking, it simply wasn't possible.

People driving their horses nutty by way of their own fears and issues is actually quite common.

Many of the pleasure horses I've encountered with severe mental issues belonged to an owner who was overly obsessed with being the "bestest owner ever", and drove their horses nearly insane through micro-management and an overabundance of demonstrative love.
Horses don't fall in love easily, and you certainly can't buy it from them like you can a dog.

The Unicorn Dream may *work* for some people, but most real-life horses find it difficult to assume their role in the dream.

Although many horses qualify as "pocket ponies" and enjoy the company of people, Demonstrative Love goes against horse nature in general... and while some horses come through ownership by an excessively attentive person mentally unscathed, many do not... in my opinion, making demonstrative love a passive form of abuse when viewed from the horse's perspective.

A different horse had an owner who insisted on hugging his head tightly while planting big, wet kisses on his nose.
While many horses willingly accept kisses, this horse found the ritual unpleasant and asked her to stop in every way he could... pulling his head away, becoming somewhat headshy if he anticipated a big hug coming, and eventually resorted to laying his ears back at her even though he never carried through with a bite.
A steady decline in his attitude and behavior that she never recognized, even after I pointed out to her in plain words that he didn't like it and she should stop before she ruined their relationship beyond repair.

"He's my horse, and I'll kiss him anytime I want to"  she said to me.

She actually told me this even as he began to avoid her catching him in the pasture, and showed his growing dislike for her in ever more aggressive ways.

To everyone else, he remained amiable and friendly... but towards his owner he was agitated and resentful, and his behavior towards her was steadily becoming more unacceptable and unsafe.

Blinded by her unicorn dreams, she was out-of-touch with the reality that she was driving her horse to despise her by "loving him too much" to resist kissing him when he obviously didn't care for it.

IMO... if she had REALLY loved him as much as she professed, she would have refrained from kissing him as an offering of mutual respect, since his attitude towards this unnecessary affection was clearly not in-sync with her own.

From the horse's point of view, this owner's behavior was nothing short of mental abuse.

I firmly believe that more horses suffer at the hands of their "loving owners" than any other catagory of horse abuse... and abuse it is, when a formerly happy horse transforms into a maladjusted mental mess due to it's owner's Unicorn Dreams.
Sad... but I've seen it a hundred times over the years.