Now that we have a more realistic vision of our Unicorns, and hopefully recognize that they are indeed actually HORSES (which require an entirely different approach from unicorns if we're to be successful with them), we can move forward.
First of all, if you have read this mess from the beginning, you understand that this is a dicey area for me to comment on with any great authority because I have a difficult time relating to the subject matter... communicating with horses has always come easily to me, but I realize that isn't the case for many people.
Yet communication is tantamount to success.
I don't even know if it's possible to instruct anyone in "how-to" REALLY understand horses if they weren't born with the ability to do so naturally... but let's give it a try.
For starters, if you're planning to improve your relationship with your horse and want to be able to associate his body language and demeanor with what makes him happy, and what annoys him to no end, you realistically must accept that no one else can do this for you.
You can't send him off to a trainer for this particular aspect...
Having a horse desire your company and want to be your partner is strictly DIY.
A trainer can teach your horse to respond correctly to cues and solve behavior issues, but they cannot convince a horse who doesn't want to partner with you to accept you into his inner circle.
A few years back, I had a horse with some minor disrespect/behavior issues come in for training, and when his conversion into a good citizen was complete, his owner joined me for several sessions in order to be able to maintain his new and improved attitude.
After having her observe me as I rode him, I dismounted and demonstrated his recently acquired voice commands, a couple of which were to stay in place as I walked away from him... then to join me when he was cued to do so.
Eager to try this herself, his owner was delighted with his newfound work ethic and performance while riding him.
She grinned ear-to-ear when she dismounted and he stayed firmly in place awaiting further instructions... then was devastated when (on her cue to come to her) he proceeded to walk directly over to ME.
"You STOLE my horse!" she wailed nearly in tears.
No, I did NOT... what I did was provide her horse with the structure, consistancy, and understanding which he craved...
HE DECIDED to partner with me, not the other way around.
Her wishy-washy approach to his daily handling had only confused and annoyed him... while my straightforward and no-nonsense approach was something he understood and appreciated.
My common-sense *code of conduct* was clear and reasonable to the mind of a horse, and he embraced the simplicity of doing the right thing because I made it easy for him to determine what was *right*, and what was *wrong* through my consistancy in his handling.
Yes, SHE was the *cookie lady* who demonstrated her love for him in a thousand ways; but was so erratic in her actions and responses to him, that he chose to distance himself from her emotionally... and over time had become disrespectful of her because she never assumed the role of a leader he could depend upon and trust with his life.
Although I never fed him a single cookie, and was adamant about my position as the Alpha in our little herd of two, I was a benign ruler who understood his thought processes and used his dependancy on my leadership to my advantage... and therefore he eagerly CHOSE to become a subordinate in my "herd".
But you can't just "flip a switch" like turning on a light to get this...
The rules and regulations you set must be both FAIR and EQUITABLE to the horse (remember he wants to know "what's in it for ME?")
You can't buy a horse's love with treats... you CAN achieve that goal only through consistantly fair treatment along with an insistance on unwavering compliance and respect.
The starting point is OBSERVATION... and it's a factor that cannot be skipped or taken lightly.
In my next installment, we'll discuss the basics of REALISTICALLY observing and evaluating your horse's temperament and how to "get into his brain"... the preliminary baby-steps towards achieving a healthy relationship that offers both you and your horse the rewards you are each seeking.
As an older rider returning to riding after a hiatus of over 30 years, I found that before I could get into my horse's brain, I had to realistically evaluate myself first! I had to reflect on my own changing riding ability as I grew older. I twice bought horses that upon initial evaluation fit the bill perfectly for me. They were trained, healthy, and they were pretty. The part that I did not come to realize until after both of those costly and heart wrenching mistakes, was that handsome is as handsome does! It was not the horse that was at fault, I hasten to admit, but me!
ReplyDeleteMy own fears and nerves would quickly change the dynamic between me and my horse, and it did not take long for me to push away and find all kinds of excuses for not riding. Too hot, too tired, arthritis hurting too much today. We will skip the ride. Then the time between rides grew longer and longer until I could not bring myself to mount. My fears took over. The horse quickly found out who was boss, and everyone knows the end of THAT story!
After coming to you for help in selling my "mistakes" I observed and learned from you. I looked at myself through your eyes, Cindy. You were honest with me, and pretty forthright in your choice of words at times. Oh, I knew what to look for in a horse, so that I would buy a healthy, well trained animal. But what I had not understood about this process was that I had to look long and hard at MYSELF! I had to stop focussing on the perfect, pretty horse, and concentrate on how the horse made me FEEL.
This last time, I jokingly said that I planned to wear a blindfold and just go with how I feel when I am riding this horse. Do I feel safe, relaxed, in control, and how does this horse communicate with me as the rider? Are we in touch, are we partners, are we in harmony? Am I able to be the leader, the one who gives calm and confident support if needed out on the trails? When I could answer in the affirmative to all those questions, I knew I had found my horse!
Too sum it all up, I had to learn that in order to get in touch with my horse's inner feelings, I had to first get in touch with my own.
Fabulous commentary Elaine... and very, very TRUE!
ReplyDeleteYour advice is good advice... for ALL riders.
Thank You!
You can't buy a horse with treats should be every magic unicorn owner's
ReplyDeletemantra...