Before you can accurately and realistically determine the qualities you're seeking in a horse, you must begin by taking a good look at yourself.
Step up to your mirror, look yourself dead in the eye, and say
"I enjoy riding my horse"... while maintaining a straight face.
If you burst into laughter (or dissolve into tears), you know you are a stinkin' liar.
Try again, this time interjecting whatever random descriptive term that seems appropriate. (for example) "I am afraid of my horse".
Keep doing this until you discover the phrase that best describes your relationship with your horse... and write it down.
Next, take a blank sheet of paper, divide it into two columns, and write "pros" and "cons" at the top.
Now, list your strengths and weaknesses in the appropriate columns using the keen eye and nit-picky cattiness you'd normally reserve for critiqueing someone else who isn't you.
For example, in your "pros" column, you might list such things as your unflappable confidence, your stellar balance, your feather-light hands on the reins, etc.
Now throw that list away and start over... this time being realistic and honest in your assessment.
You cannot possibly make an accurate determination of what qualities you NEED in a horse (as opposed to what you think you WANT) unless you're willing to be painfully honest about yourself.
So stop telling yourself lies.
Sure, in your younger days, you might have been a champion show jumper (for example), but if you're now in your 50's and fear grips your heart when faced with an 18 inch crossrail, you're NOT that rider anymore.
Next step is to honestly answer this question:
If I'm faced with either A} getting bucked off, or B} a loss of control (such as having a horse run off with me)... which do I fear most?
EVERYONE must answer, because ALL riders fall into one of these two catagories... even those who *have no fear*.
I myself have never been *afraid* of a horse in my life, yet I fall into catagory {A}... I hate hitting the dirt more than I hate losing control of basics such as steering and brakes.
This means that I'm better suited to a sensitive horse who may resort to his "flight response" under pressure than I am to a less-sensitive one who tends to use his "fight response" (such as throwing a buck) when aggrevated.
The reality is that if you and your horse aren't temperamentally suited to each other, the relationship will be difficult to maintain, even if it doesn't fail miserably.
Once you believe that you've been totally realistic and honest with yourself, and listed your pros and cons accurately, stash your lists in a safe place (for future reference), and make a new sheet with the same heading labels.
Now trot yourself down to the barn, because you're going to take the same hard-line approach to evaluating your horse (which will actually be easier than critiqueing yourself).
Next: How to critique your horse like a pro... and what the results mean in terms of suitability to your purposes, and the odds of long-term success in your relationship with him.
ReplyDeleteCindy, just to chime in on one small part of your latest blog entry, regarding fears!
Unless you have suffered from an extreme loss of confidence, it is very difficult to empathize with someone who has. As a nervous older rider, one of the best confidence boosters I discovered was making sure I did not try to push the envelope of my own comfort zone. I had to learn not to have a false set of expectations, which I often imposed on myself by my own feelings of pressure to, "Get over it, you old fool!". It was fruitless and soul destroying to dwell on the fact that once upon a time I was a superb rider, competitive, award winning, fearless! No use wallowing in the "used to be" whining zone. I live in the here and now, and it is what it is! I had to recognize it, accept it, and find a way to deal with it. As a much more profound person than I once said, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself".
Having said that, overcoming a loss of confidence is very difficult, particularly if you ride alone, as I do. This is not from choice but from necessity since I have no other riders in my neighborhood. I must go alone or not at all! In my opinion, riding alone is harder for the horse and the nervous rider. Both are on a higher alert level when riding solo. That is only natural.
One thing I learned when I was working to overcome my loss of riding confidence was to acknowledge and celebrate small steps! For example, I decided to try to go for shorter rides and turn back for home while things were going really well. I made sure that every ride was set up for success, and if that only meant making it down to the end of the driveway and back, so be it. Next time, I stretched it out to the end of the street and back, then down to the next corner! Then on to the longer trails.
If we had a spook or a blip on the radar, I would make a pact with myself. Breath deeply, relax, sit in the saddle deeply, and say something reassuring to my horse. Saying the words aloud calms me and it calms my horse. Then if I am still feeling shaky, I decide to go down to the next tree, or even to sing the Happy Birthday song five times before turning for home. I don't have to go any further than I want to, but I go far enough that I have challenged myself after the scare to do a little more before turning for home. I always want to come back feeling in control and up-beat. My horse does not care if we go on a 15 minute ride or a 1 hour ride. All she cares about is having a calm and confident rider on board, who is not setting nerves a-jangling at every step of the way.
So, to sum up, I had to learn to accept my own fears, address them, find my comfort zone, and not beat myself up if on any given day I came back after 10 minutes. So long as my horse and I came back safe, happy and relaxed, that counts as a successful ride!
Success begets confidence, and confidence begets competence!
Excellent advice Elaine, and thanks for chiming in!
ReplyDeleteAs a rider with "unshaken" confidence, it's difficult for me to relate to the fear that so many riders our age seem to be battling to overcome, so your perspective on the matter is definately food for thought.
Unshaken confidence is only such until it is shaken. None of us knows when that might happen, and it can take us quite by surprise when it does!
ReplyDeleteIt would be so interesting to hear from riders who have lost their confidence or who are struggling to help someone who has. It would be informative for all of us to explore the reasons. Was it a fall, fright, or an accident? Even witnessing someone else having problems can trigger doubts and fears about our own ability. Perhaps it was returning to riding later in life and not realizing the limitations our body places on us as we get older?
ReplyDeleteI know that I find that my seat and core balance are not nearly as strong as they once were. I also know that if I fall off, I will not bounce like I used to when I was a girl. I find that my mind plays tricks on me too. It's all the vivid images of potential disasters that can immobilize us! When I was young, those thoughts never even crossed my mind. Ah, the supreme confidence of youth!
It would also be instructive if we could discuss how each rider came up with strategies to overcome these fears, and moved past them to enjoy riding again. I do hope more people not only read your blog, but begin to respond and interact! We can learn so much from each other. It always helps to know you are not alone when faced with difficult problems, no matter what they might be.
Heck, maybe I need to start a support group for riders who have "shaken confidence syndrome"? Ha!